Chapter 8 & 9

Definitional

Chapter 8 in the Tubbs & Moss textbook deals with “Relationships in Process”. The chapter discusses how there are specific bases of human attraction being proximity (how close you are to one another), similarity (what you have in common), and all sorts of situations such as the reciprocity of liking, self esteem changes, anxiety, isolation and online dating (Tubbs & Moss 236). It is then mentioned how there are specific characteristics of relationships that can have an effect on the communication between two people. The context in which you are communicating refers to the setting (the physical environment) and the climate (the social-psychological context) (Tubbs & Moss 239). Time is also a necessity for the qualities of relationships to develop because it affects how quickly the relationship advances and how the style of communication style changes over time (Tubbs & Moss 244). Trust is a major factor in the relationship process because in order to have a successful relationship it is necessary that you believe “no harm will come to you from the other person in the relationship”(Tubbs & Moss 245). One of the major topics also discussed in this chapter is Mark Knapp’s model of human relationships. Knapp uses a staircase to represent how a relationship is walking up a staircase, as you ascend each step the you are moving to the next stage of the relationship. Likewise as you descend each stair the relationship falls apart and is eventually terminated. Aside from partner relationships chapter 8 also discusses one of the most prominent communication areas of study—family communication. Family communication is studied so heavily because it fulfills almost all of the characteristics that define relationships, you are all living in close proximity with similar interests and undergo many of the same situations. It is mentioned how there are stages in family development, similar to Knapp’s staircase model, as the age of the children increases the style of communication changes and the relationship is altered. In a family there is the main language development with preschool children, then moving to school age children where they become more independent, finally with adolescent children peer-peer communication develops and they become much less dependent on their parents (Tubbs & Moss 263).

Chapter 9 in the Tubbs & Moss textbook deals with “Interpersonal Communication”. The overall concept in the chapter is that communication is in many ways seen as a microcosm for relationships ranging from one-time encounters to life long relationships (Tubbs & Moss 272). The social setting strongly affects interpersonal communication because norms, or preset rules, influence how a communication encounter is able to take place in any given situation. Along with the social setting, the roles that they place in society have an effect on the encounter, for example an encounter with an authority figure would be vastly different than an encounter with a good friend or parent. Quality also affects communication, depending on setting and of the exchange and the roles of the communicators the quality and level of intimacy of what is being communicated will obviously have an effect on the final message. This was more closely examined with marriage and the different love styles as well as the status of each individual in the marriage (who has more power)(Tubbs & Moss 298). The end of the chapter dealt mostly with assertiveness in communication and its effect on the communication exchange. Depending on how you decided to behave your communication will be altered. For example a person with assertive behavior, their reward will depend on how their behavior stacks up against a nonassertive person. The nonassertive person will typically avoid conflict and anxiety while a person with aggressive behavior will choose for others and will often use force to achieve their goal (Tubbs & Moss 304).

Application

This clip from a Seinfeld episode is a perfect example of a one of the subcategories under intimacy in chapter 9 Interpersonal Communication. In this clip George is explaining to his best friend Jerry that he describes himself as being 2 different people: relationship George and independent George. He explains how the George as Jerry knows him is independent because he is able to do whatever he pleases with his free time: hang out with friends, and possibly be deceptive or lie without worry. This is explained in the Tubbs & Moss textbook under the section "To be connected or independent", "... our need to be on our own, deciding what you want to do and when you want to do it, and to be connected with someone close to you, sharing experience (Tubbs & Moss 288). George foresees his relationship with this woman as being one that would tie him down to her, not allow him to be the free and independent person that he would like to be and furthermore change him from being the person that his friends have grown to know and love. This is seen as a normal problem that often occurs in many relationships and has to do with the level of commitment and attachment style that each person is planning on following through with in their relationship. It is a normal occurrence for George to be threatened by the commitment of a relationship, especially one that would affect the independent person he appears to be in front of his friends.

Personal

I chose my personal application to be in relation to family communication and more specifically the stages in family development. After studying this chapter it became apparent to me that as your age increases the way in which you communicate with your family changes as does the relationship that you have with your family members. I noticed that the interesting thing about when you are at a young age when you only know a few words, looking back on it now it really amazed me how things such as hand gestures or even screams to communicate a message to my parents was all I knew how to do but they were always able to know exactly what I wanted. I find it interesting that parents are able to know their children so well that they can almost sense what they want at a given time without even following through with a true communication exchange. As I developed into a school age child my vocabulary obviously increased to the point where I was able to communicate much better with my family but I find it interesting when looking back on it that you are not yet really aware of the norms that are set in your family. I was able to communicate well with both my parents and brother as a school age child but it wasn't until much later on in my life when I started to figure out more specifically how I could communicate differently with my mother or father depending on the situation that I was in at the time. This is also true with my relationship with my brother, because he is 3 years younger than me I always had the advantage of being at a further stage than he was, I would love to say our relationship was always as strong as it is now but I can admit that I probably took advantage of the fact that I was able to use my age difference to benefit me in many situations. The change between school age and adolescent was probably the biggest change for me as it is for most kids growing up. This seemed to be the age where the norms were pretty well established by this point and you I was able to really communicate my message effectively, whether it was positive or negative. This was also the age where I became much more independent and therefor not only the quality of the communication changed but the actual subjects of our communication began to change as well. This was a point in my life where I felt I was able to be more open with my parents and my relationship with my brother really evolved because we were no longer the typical bickering brothers constantly at war, we would often hang out or I would help him with his homework. This was also the time in my life where more conflicts began to arise because I was able to really understand every situation I was in as well as the ones I wasn't directly involved in, if my parents were having an argument I had no problem jumping in and voicing my opinion because I felt confident that my opinion now mattered. At the point where I am now out of the house and living on my own, the communication between my family and I has obviously drastically changed because I am halfway across the country but in some ways I feel I have been able to be closer to them because I am not there to see the bad, I am only there to talk about the good or reminisce about the past. I know that when I go home for break, as a family we will be able to pick up right where we left off and hopefully evolve as a family as we all mature with age and our family communication evolves.